Before Attending Fair Play Camp School

Charles’ life was in turmoil. He had a difficult relationship with his mother, marked by constant arguments and misunderstandings. His grandmother was his safe haven, but even she couldn’t bridge the gap between Charles and his mother. This strained family dynamic left Charles feeling isolated and rebellious.

Charles admits that he was not in a good place before camp. “I would lie and talk back,” he recalls. “I brushed off my mother’s feelings, and it just wasn’t a good place for me or her.” His school life was a mixed bag. While he was a good student academically, his attitude sometimes got him into trouble.

The Decision to Attend Camp

The decision to attend Fair Play Camp School was not an easy one. A mutual friend recommended the camp to Charles’ mother and grandmother, and they decided to check it out. Despite initially thinking it seemed like a cool place, Charles was vehemently opposed to going. “I had a fight with everybody,” he remembers. “I was in that office for three hours saying no, walking out, and yelling.”

It took a lot of convincing, but Charles eventually realized that his life wasn’t working the way it was. He needed a change. His mother and grandmother saw this too, and they hoped camp could provide the help he needed.

The First Day at Camp

The first day at camp was tough. Charles describes it as one of the saddest days of his life. “All I remember from the first day is crying,” he says. “I just cried and cried.” Leaving his mother in the parking lot and meeting the other campers was overwhelming.

Challenges and Growth

Charles’ time at camp was marked by significant challenges. For the first six months, he was extremely stubborn. “I wouldn’t do my chores, wouldn’t work, wouldn’t eat with the group, and wouldn’t talk to the group,” he admits. His chief would have likely described him as the most stubborn camper.

However, a breakthrough moment came during a group discussion. Charles realized that his behavior was making life harder for himself and others. He began to see the need for change.

Trust was a significant issue for Charles. He only trusted his grandmother and had difficulty trusting anyone else. The camp environment, however, began to change that. When a dear friend of his passed away, the support and understanding from his group and chief helped him open up and start trusting others.

Learning to Trust and Overcoming Anger

Building trust was a slow process, but it was pivotal. “My chiefs pushed me to be the person they knew I could be,” Charles reflects. Along with trust, he had to work on his anger issues. “I had a nickname in my group, ‘Chili,’ like the red chili pepper because of my temper,” he says. His first few months were filled with incidents where he was ready to fight anyone who crossed him, leading to multiple restraints.

Turning the Corner

About six months into his stay, things began to improve. Charles started enjoying his chores and even made it a game to see how quickly he could complete them. “After six months, I loved doing my morning chores,” he says. His attitude shifted, and he became more positive and cooperative.

Charles felt ready to graduate about a year and three months into his camp stay. He had learned to live successfully and felt prepared for the outside world. Transitioning back into normal life was a challenge, especially with the impact of COVID-19. “Reentering the world was difficult because you had been secluded for so long,” he explains.

Life After Camp

Since graduating from camp, Charles has continued to grow. He graduated high school and was accepted into the nursing program at Greenville Tech. During the summer, he worked with his grandmother’s estate sale business, which helped keep him busy and productive.

Charles expresses deep gratitude to the donors who make camp possible. “You helped make my life a better place to be,” he says.

Thanks to you, Charles’ journey at Fair Play Camp School is a testament to the transformative power of trust, support, and perseverance. From a troubled home life to finding his path and preparing for a future in nursing, Charles’ story is one of hope and change.

We were afraid he would end up in juvenile detention!

“Things had gotten so bad with Elijah that we didn’t know what to do with him,” Wendy, his mother, remembered. “We even considered a failed adoption and sending him back. That’s how bad it was. But, we prayed about it and felt the Lord saying to us, ‘No, he’s your son.’”

He made life miserable for everyone around him

“Elijah came to us when he was 18 months old,” Wendy said. “He was in the foster care
system and being moved from home to home. That caused him a lot of struggles and behavior
problems.

After we adopted him, his behavioral issues increased every year and became more violent.
He would constantly lie, wouldn’t take responsibility for his actions, and continually
manipulated us and his siblings.”

“He was very aggressive against me,” Wendy continued. “He would throw things at me, call
me awful names, and was very destructive.

In first grade, he would turn the classroom upside down. They would have to clear the
classroom of the other children because of how violent he was. I ended up trying to homeschool
him.”

We were alone

“We felt very isolated,” Wendy explained. “Friends and family had no idea what we were
going through. They would offer suggestions of what we should be doing. We know that they
were just trying to be helpful, but it wasn’t good.

We were looking for someone who would just listen and not offer suggestions. We had tried
everything, and nothing was working.”

Looking for help

“We tried different therapies, counseling, and supplements,” Wendy said. “We also had enrolled him in several short term programs.

But as things continued to get worse, we decided that he needed a long term intervention. His
problems had been building for years. It was going to take time to deal with behavioral issues.

I began to research possible options. Imagine my surprise when I found Fair Play and
realized it was only an hour and twenty minutes ffrm our house. It seemed like the perfect fit for
Elijah. So, I made the call.”

Hope – finally

“When Josh, the family worker, came to visit us for the first time, I was so nervous,” Wendy
said. “I was afraid that Elijah was going to freak out and act out.

But Josh was so good with him. He sat with Elijah and showed him pictures of camp. Elijah
seemed to connect with him immediately. They even set some goals for Elijah.

I was so blown away. I couldn’t believe that it was my son sitting there and calmly talking. It
was unreal. I started to have a little hope.”

What a difference a year can make

“We started to see changes after six months at camp,” Wendy said. “In the beginning some of
the home visits were pretty rocky. But as time went on, their continued to be some angst, but we
were seeing some positive things.

At the one year mark, we really began to see changes. It was like we saw an actual heart
change. He wasn’t just doing things to please us or to put on a show. He was really different.”

Back home

“We are honestly shocked by how well he is doing since returning home,” Wendy remarked.
“He is making good grades at school. He is making friends. He is relating well with his siblings.

He has had a few stumbles since returning home. But instead of shutting down and becoming
aggressive, we can talk about the problem. He is very redirectable and able to talk about things
calmly. That’s never happened before.

Before camp, I was afraid he would end up in juvenile detention. But now, the sky is the limit
for him. I’m not saying that he won’t have struggles, but this intervention was exactly what our
family needed. It changed our lives.”

I wish I could hug all of you and say thank you

“We could not have afforded camp without you, the donor, making it possible,” Wendy
exclaimed. “You are having a tremendous impact on people’s lives.

You not only changed Elijah’s life, but you have transformed our family as well. And you are
helping many other families as well.

I wish I could hug every one of you and say thank you in person. We are deeply, deeply,
grateful.”

You helped Brian change the direction of his life.

When Brian came to camp 27 years ago, it totally changed the course of his life. 

Like a lot of boys, Brian was struggling at home. “I was having a rough time,” he explained. “I was acting out violently. My temper was out of control. I would do things just to get in trouble so that I could get away from home.” 

“I did not think about the consequences,” he continued. “Going to camp really helped, because it taught me to look deeper into things and communicate my feelings.”

I learned life skills I still use today.

“In the beginning, I found it hard to fit in the group,” Brian said. “When there was a problem, the whole group would stop what we were doing, and work on that problem. As a selfish boy, I found that aggravating. But as time moved on, it became standard operation to help out. It became easier.” 

“Today, I still use the problem solving skills I learned at camp,” he said. “It comes in really handy with my job. I can reason with people on a personal level and diffuse volatile situations.”  “I also use the meal planning and budgeting skills I learned at camp,” he explains. “I’m teaching it to my children to help them save money and function in society.”

Camp helped our whole family.

“Camp helped our whole family,” Brian remembers. “My mother learned how to communicate better with me and my sister. We would do things together as a family.” 

Today, Brian and his wife have six children. “My experience at camp has helped me through my life. It’s helped me to be a better husband to my wife and a better father to my children. I am passing down to them what I learned at camp.”  When asked what he would say to parents who are considering camp for their son, he responded, “Give it a chance. It’s awesome. It’s not just going to help your son; it will benefit your whole family.”

Thank you for changing everything.

“I probably would have ended up in jail, had I not gone to camp,” Brian concludes. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity. You’ve helped change my life and the future of my family.”

“We Thought Love Would Be Enough!”

These families who adopted from foreign countries were often unprepared for the effects of their son’s previous experiences. Many boys came from orphanages where they experienced neglect. This can cause negative behaviors later in life. Other boys experienced abandonment and loss from their biological families. They frequently struggle to build relationships and trust with their adoptive families. The result is sometimes disarray and turmoil in the family.

“We did so much for our son; why doesn’t he appreciate it?” is a question that many of these parents ask themselves.

For years they did everything possible for their son. But their options were running out. They had no place to turn. They didn’t know what to do next. They were desperate.

Evan

Evan had experienced a lot of severe neglect in a Ukrainian orphanage. “He was severely underweight when we got him,” his mother Christine remembers. “I thought that we would just love on him, and that would be all he needed.”

“Because he has no memory of that trauma and wasn’t verbal, he was not able to process it,” she goes on. “He was not able to talk about it in therapy. He can’t recall it, but it’s there.”

Things really got bad with Evan when puberty hit. He was bullying other kids and getting behind academically.

Once, after a violent incident, Christine told him that they knew he didn’t want to be this way. They were going to pray for an answer. He responded, “There’s nothing to pray about. God can’t fix me.” He had given up on himself.

Bradley

Many children adopted from foreign countries suffer from reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Bradley was one of them. “RAD is a condition in which a child doesn’t establish healthy attachments with parents or caregiver,” explained his mother Sharon. “It may develop if the child’s basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren’t met.”

Children with RAD thrive on chaos and upheaval. “Our family life was out of control,” she recalls. “We couldn’t take him out in public. The more we showed him affection, the more he would push us away. He was tearing our family apart!”

 “Unless you live with a child with RAD, you have no idea what it’s like,” his father Scott relates. “Our closest friends and family members would comment on our supposed lack of parenting skills. We felt very alone!”

Hudson

“In the orphanages, there aren’t enough caretakers for all the children,” Hudson’s mother Tamela explains. “So they don’t get a lot of one-on-one attention. They don’t get held and rocked. They do the best they can with the allocated resources.”

Like many children from these orphanages, Hudson had developmental delays in many areas. He responded well to much of the therapy, but there were still behavior issues. He was finally diagnosed with RAD. “That rocked our world,” Tamela remembers. “We knew that it was going to be a sustained effort for the rest of our lives.”

“As time passed, it continued to get worse,” she continues. “When he tried to hurt another child at basketball camp, we knew that we had to do something.”

Josh

Josh was not in an orphanage, but he suffered early loss when his mother and twin brother died soon after he was born. In that culture, having twins was a curse. Since Josh was alone, he would have been treated as an outcast. He was rescued by missionaries and eventually adopted by Rodney and Gina.

When Josh turned seven, the hurts and feelings started to surface. He would keep all his feelings inside and refuse to talk about them. Then something would happen and he would erupt in fits of rage. They were at loss with how to deal with his issues.

He would take out his anger on Gina—hitting and throwing things at her. But they could not get him to talk about what was bothering him. Then he started hitting and disrespecting other people.

No Place to Turn

Their situations felt hopeless. These families tried many therapies and various methods to get help. Nothing seemed to work. They didn’t know what else to do. “Our son had every test known to man done on him,” one father said. “We were told that there was nothing they could do for him.”

“One of the things about RAD is that the number of people you can rely on to help gets smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller,” another father said.

“Since he was adopted from another country, we had no help from the Department of Social Services,” a father explains. “We were on our own. We didn’t know where to turn.”

In their desperation, these families searched far and wide for a solution. They often learned about camp from other families, or a professional recommended it. Many families were surprised that camp felt they could help their son. “Our family worker said they could help us with our son,” one mother said, “but… I didn’t believe him.”

Change Begins

 “Camp provided the time and attention for our son that we couldn’t,” a father observes. “They could take the time to stop everything and deal with his issues. If he acted out, the whole group would circle up and deal with the problem at hand. You just can’t do that in a family environment. That’s the sort of thing that has brought change.”

“Camp provides a space for a boy to deal with his attachment difficulties,” explains Gary Barnhart, program director. “We have the time at camp for him to share when he is struggling. His chiefs and group will stop everything to focus on the present distress. As he begins to open up, the others speak into his life in a caring and understanding way. Over time, his brain will start to reframe relationships as he learns to express what he is feeling and begins to trust others.”

“Everything we do at camp, we do together,” Daniel Hochstetler, executive director, said. “The constant interaction with his chief and the other campers fosters trust. As they solve problems, they are able to get below the surface of his acting out to see what is really bothering him. As they care and help each other, the boy becomes part of the solution – not just a problem. He begins to believe that he can be different.”

Families often notice change within a few months at camp. For many boys, it’s learning to react to problems in a more productive manner. “On one home visit, Josh was having a bad attitude,” his father explained. “When asked what was going on, instead of getting angry like before, he admitted it and explained why and changed his attitude.”

“His first home visit was amazing,” another mother remarked. “He was different, especially with me. To have him look at me and say ‘yes ma’am’ – that was priceless. Six weeks at camp accomplished more than all the other things we have done throughout the years.”

“You always know that camp has your back,” comments Scott. “You always know that they are only looking out for the best for your child. You can be open and honest with the staff because you know they understand your situation. They made us feel safe.”

Life Goes On

 “The past few years have been a whole lot easier,” Warren explains. “It’s not been a cake walk, but we now have the tools to work through our problems. I don’t where he would be without camp. He was headed for some type of incarceration.”

“Camp helped his decision making,” Christine said. “He now has the wherewithal to make a good decision. Now it is up to him. When he makes a bad decision, he can process what he has done, where it can lead, and what he can do about it.”

Josh has been home a few months. He still has things to work through and it has not always been easy. “He still gets angry, but it’s what he does with it that has changed,” Rodney said. “When issues surface, he’s quick to say ‘That’s not right, lets change this.'”

“Camp takes something from unmanageable chaos to manageable chaos.” A father explains. “It’s still hard, but he doesn’t end up with the same outbursts. We thought we could bring these boys into our home and change them with a lot of love. But the hurts and scars were so deep that we realized that we needed help.”

“When a boy graduates and goes home, the family is given a renewed hope that things can be better,” Daniel said. “With all that they have been through, many families quit believing that they can be a healthy family. The camp experience renews their passion. It gives them the energy, courage and hope to move on. Camp doesn’t fix the boy. We help them understand what the problems are which gives them the confidence and tools to work through them.”